A Little Mother’s Day Humor & Reflection

321301_650589801623667_1780117073_nWith this weekend being Mother’s Day I thought I would do a little humorous reflection on this past year and a half that I have been in the “Mom Club.”

Being a mom is a full-time job, don’t get me wrong! But, just as with any other job there are time when you have to laugh or you will end up in a corner in the fetal position singing “Jesus Loves Me” while rocking back and forth.

Just a little whatnot about my life and the kid that lives across the hall.

  • When you are a Mom you regain that small child fascination with poop. This time it is not your own. Is it too much, is it enough, I don’t remember feeding them that, WTF! How did a Lego get in there?
  • It is a good day if you can leave the house with no food on them or you.
  • It is possible to sustain on caffeine alone.
  • Sometimes I have to walk away from my son’s tantrum because I am laughing. “I guess that magazine subscription card that fell out of “Marie Claire” was really special.”
  • You will consider becoming a nudist simply because your child makes more laundry than four adults.
  • You turn into a 3 year old boy. My favorite video of my son is when he farted at 6 months old and stared at his butt like “What just happened?”
  • You can go from classy to thug in 1.3 seconds, all it takes is for someone to talk $h*t about your kid or your parenting skills. Try me biotch!
  • You begin analyzing purchases in “amount of diapers.” A $300 Coach purse is no longer $300, it is 12 Jumbo boxes of Huggies when they are on sale at Target and you get a $5 gift card for buying two.
  • Going out to dinner used to be fun. Now the decision is based on which is worse, having to cook or having to wrangle a child to stay in their high chair and not to throw down the food they don’t want.
  • A “Girls Night Out” means dinner and Target or the mall without the offspring!
  • You know where those little fingers have been but happily take the mushy Cheerio they offer because they are finally getting the hang of sharing.
  • The best sound in the world is also the scariest…SILENCE! It’s all about the scenario.
  • It’s funny the first few times your child tells YOU, “No!”
  • It is okay to put yourself into time out! It’s oddly satisfying to put a child who is throwing a fit for no good reason into their bed with a few toys and step outside. It’s even better to smile and think, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
  • Anyone who tells you they have never raised their voice to their child is a liar! “Yeah lady…and I bet the weight on your drivers license is 100% accurate as well.”
  • If you can’t laugh about the dumb things you have done then you are doing it wrong 😉

Your child(ren) love you just the way you are, just like you love them. They learn to appreciate that you try your best for them. Dinner might not always be amazing. No one has lost IQ points because their Mom said, “Today sucked, let’s just get pizza.” You will bleach a few colored items, shrink a favorite sweater, lose the “lucky” baseball socks or even walk them to the bus wearing fuzzy slippers.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the Moms, Grandmas, Step-Moms and Motherly Figures!

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