I Need Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

“Back in the day” I used to be a Godsmack fan so this song came to mind when I was thinking about the Serenity Prayer and what it means to me. I know it is usually with 12 Step Programs, like AA. Thankfully, this is not reason that it is meaningful to me. I have a hard time with being the person who handles “everything.” I don’t mean literally everything, but I am good at getting things handled, I am reliable and I do what needs to be done. So, naturally, after a while things begin defaulting toward me.

I am often left feeling like, when I need help I have few allies who can help ME. I have a hard time with the “accept the things I cannot change” part. I feel defeated. I feel at fault if/when things happen because I wash my hands of the frustration and the problems that usually are not directly my own. I want the “wisdom to know the difference!”

This leads me to the personal qualities that stem from this. On the positive, if the things that I have dealt with haven’t killed me or sent me to the mental hospital by now they probably never will. I have become a stronger person.

The most noticeable flaw I have from this is one that seems to be pointed out the most. I have always been “mature” for my age, which makes it hard to relate to people my age. I have zero tolerance for people who make complete asses of themselves at bars, people who are way too old to be acting like such a selfish irresponsible young, person. Sorry, you don’t look cool leaving your kids with a sitter to go out almost every weekend and party in a jean skirt, halter top and spray tan…you are like 40! And who over the age of 25 is still really interested in “being cool?” I can’t even go to a bar without turning into a judgmental bitch. At least I own up to it!

I may not always be right (yes, I said it!) but I have a very accurate moral compass when it comes to issues that boil down to pure right and wrong. Don’t cheat, don’t lie, don’t steal, it’s pretty simple. People that do these things, plain and simple are no friends of mine and never will be again.

I need to find my serenity. I wish I could wash my hands of trying to change everything and begin to accept the things I can’t change, attempt to change what I can and realize (and accept) that not everything can be changed.

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