“If You’d Have Never Met Me”

icecreamI know I talk about Baby Ram-a-razzi a lot but who wouldn’t? He kinda kicks butt! Anyway, I heard a song on the radio today that came out around the time Baby Ram-a-razzi was born. I had not heard it in a long time and I had a bit of an epiphany. When he was much younger, he’s pushing 2 now, I felt like him coming along really put the brakes on where my life had been going. I never regretted the decision to have him or anything like that but it really changed the direction of my life.

I found out I was pregnant with him right before my final year of college started. Like I’ve said before, I started college THE FIRST TIME in 2002, right after high school and lets just say I was not into it. It was just the expected thing to do. So, my junior/senior year of college I was not celebrating the big 2-1 birthday. I fell into that weird gap between fresh from high school college students and the middle-aged career change students.

Back to the song. It is basically all about a guy thinking about what life would be like if he had never met his wife. I have been down this memory lane, as most married people have. But today I really got to thinking about my son. I finished up my final college class in late August 2011. He was born in early September. Needless to say everyone in my classes feared that my water would break and ruin their new Sperry’s. I officially walked at graduation the week of Christmas as the mama to a three month old.

You graduate college and most people are hoping to have already gotten a job offer, are planning to litter every city within a 50 mile radius with crisp, grammatically fabulous resumes. I was hoping to get the baby barf off my favorite jammie pants.

I started my photography business in May of 2010 with the goal of hitting it hard after I had my $50k piece of paper to hang on the wall. I was building my portfolio, perfecting my pricing, tweaking my dot com and then HOLY PLUS SIGN! I had been in business six whole months. I worked all through my pregnancy and quickly learned that I was not “famous” enough to afford daycare/need it and not ballsy enough to put my mom and mother-in-law on childcare standby call.

For those first few months of my son’s life I went through the typical, “What have I gotten myself into?” sleep-deprived, always a body fluid somewhere on you phase that seems like it will never get better. I spent many nights rocking in the chair, walking in the living room, feeding him in the recliner with nothing but my thoughts to keep me awake. I really felt like I bad person. I wanted to be a photographer so bad, busted my buns to get my degree and now I am the personal assistant to a tiny boss that screams at me! Months of crappy sleep really mess with your mind! As if photographers will be totally obsolete if I didn’t work for a while. I had the dreaded “Mommy Guilt” for feeling cheated out of my “dream.”

It took me quite a few months to realize that my dream wasn’t over, it had just taken a right turn, stopped at the light and was driving a few miles before its next oil change.

If Baby Ram-a-razzi hadn’t come along when he did, yes, life would be different. I might be farther along in my business, we would hopefully be bringing in more money as a couple and I would have more free time.

But, I also would miss out on living with the best comedian/artist I know. He does an awesome pudding painting on the dining table when you turn your back. I wouldn’t be made to feel like the coolest person in the entire world at least twice a day because I can pull fruit snacks and Cheez-Its magically from my purse and I definitely wouldn’t have someone grab me by the head and plant a big, wet kiss on me for letting him use the iPad.

I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Lee Brice
A Woman Like You

Last night out of the blue

Driftin’ off to the evenin’ news
She said “Honey, what would you do
“If you’d have never met me”I just laughed, said “I don’t know,
“But I could take a couple guesses though”
And then tried to dig real deep,
Said, “Darlin’, honestly”I’d do a lot more offshore fishin’
“Probably eat more drive-thru chicken
“Take a few strokes off my golf game
“If I’d a never known your name
“I’d still be drivin’ that old green ‘Nova
“I probably never would have heard of yoga
“Be a better football fan
“But if I was a single man
“Alone and out there on the loose
“I’d be lookin’ for a woman like you”Well, I could tell that got her attention
So I said, “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention
“I wouldn’t trade a single day
“For a hundred years the other way”
She just smiled and rolled her eyes
‘Cause she’s heard all of my lines
I said, “C’mon on girl, seriously
“If I hadn’t been so lucky

“I’d be shootin’ pool in my bachelor pad
“Playin’ bass in my cover band
“Stockin’ up cold Bud Light
“For poker every Tuesday night, yeah
“I’d have a dirtbike in the shed
“And not one throw pillow on the bed
“I’d keep cash in a coffee can
“But if I was a single man
“Alone and out there on the loose
“I’d be looking for a woman like you”

She knows what a mess I’d be if I didn’t have her here
But to be sure, I whispered in her ear

“You know I get sick deep-sea fishin’
“And you make the best fried chicken
“I got a hopeless golf game
“I love the sound of your name
“I might miss that old green ‘Nova
“But I love watchin’ you do yoga
“I’d take a gold band on my hand
“Over bein’ a single man
“‘Cause honestly, I don’t know what I’d do
“If I’d never met a woman like you”


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